By Richard Mageto, DE, USA
10/28/07
Much politics has been said and played both by spectators and gamers across the Kenyan political landscape and, even from afar country. And yes the August house has been adjourned to pave way for real politicking. No any other session has been so infamous, so crude and so crass except, maybe, the 1988 mlolongo one where MPs were literally handpicked by Moi and his close cronies and the house business was a complete joke. It was therefore honorable for Kibaki to dispatch these dishonorable MPs to their respective constituents to seek their fresh mandate. I want to believe that many, if not all, of these Mps will be replaced with new faces, new blood, and new leaders fully cognizant of their peoples needs.
Oops! I want to take a break today from politics and address instead an urgent, more important, and more pertinent issue that is quickly turning into a crisis among immigrants in general and, in particular, the Kenyan community in the Diaspora. Statistics show that divorce rates in America stand at 50 percent. In other words, for every 100 marriages taking place, half of them will end sooner or later. Those in their second lap are at 70% disadvantage. This is not a good picture my dear friends. If this
rate did not rattle your hair then listen to this divorce rates among immigrants and particularly those of African descent have soared to astounding levels. If you do not understand yet what I am saying then do not worry because you must be staying in a different planet.
For those of us living in planet earth, and especially in the Diaspora, let us beware of the many dangers wrought by the evil one against our families and us. If you think for a minute that you and your family are safe then think again! Families are being destroyed in a twinkle of a second and our family dreams and posterity reduced into shambles and a future of sheer uncertainty. It is a virus that is spreading like a
California wildfire. Only the strong, the faithful and the determined that are anchored in the rock of ages will withstand the devils wiles because he is roaming about looking for whomever to devour.
Christians or not, we must not lose focus that we are in the midst of a cosmic drama wherein a battle is raging between Christ and Satan and its unfolding effects are manifested in many subtle ways, and are all around us broken families, drug use and addictions, cold love, disobedience, and all manner of impulsive albeit insatiable sins. And although we are being bombarded with the devils wiles, we can understand that, as followers of Christ, we have a part to play in this unfolding drama, and if we put on
the full armor of God we can bring honor to Christ through our choices, character and lives well lived.
This sounds like a sermon. Doesnt it? I fully concur with your sentiments. It sounds like a sermon because all other ways to protect our families with have dismally failed. It is time we chose the way, the truth and the life Jesus Christ. His word will teach us, guide us and protect us from failing and falling. And even if we fall, he sure will lift us up and walk with us all the way. This is his promise and he is faithful to his word.
Your God is a bunch of nonsense, you would say. And that the Bible is nothing but a fairly tale written to keep the weak minded people happy. That is ok my friend. And that is a good starting point. But let me inform the readership that well documented statistics have depicted thousands of atheists finding solace and life fulfillment in the discipleship of Jesus Christ. Indeed, even secular beings have spiritual longings
regardless of their denial of the existence of a higher and invisible Deity. So why do I bring this into my article today? Because we want to find a way of resolving the life problems besetting us in this new lands we have come to call home.
The problem is that even Christians have not been spared of this rampaging crisis. This is not unusual though because the devil is roaming about and is striving to deceive even the most elect of God because he knows that his days are coming to a halt, and soon. We must therefore strive to walk the talk and live amicably, lovingly and respectfully so that our lives can tell the character of God manifested in us. In so doing, those seated on the periphery can truly testify that our belief in God makes sense and not nonsense as atheists are often heard saying.
There could be other solutions to the current divorce problem in the Diaspora but I have only suggested one Jesus. If you want to suggest others, be my guest. But I want to strongly admonish the Christian fraternity that our characters are vital gospel and message to the world than all sermons put together. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of Christian women treating their husbands well irrespective of the surrounding pressures that may suggest otherwise. You can do this just for God if not for yourself and your family. And it is imperative that the men start to be innovative enough to keep abreast with your spouses as we accustom (without assimilating) ourselves with new cultures of our host society. It is when we fulfill this role that God has bestowed upon us that we can joyfully invite and draw secularists to Jesus as they too look wistfully to heaven longing for the message of genuine hope.
The Kenyan community in the Diaspora has witnessed an increase of young people willing to walk down the isle to tie the knots that bind. But I fear, and I hope I am wrong, but I guess I am right, that we (pastors, elders, ladies of experience, and the community in general) have not equipped these budding couples with necessary and sufficient tools with which to face lifes daunting and monstrous pressures. It looks a heck of an experience and gratifying joy when walking down the isle to officially receive the best gift from your parent in-laws your wife. But friends take note that marriage is not all a bed of roses. Let the truth be told and the early we all get it right the better for those wishing to get married.
So how do we get spared from this engulfing monster? Many tips have been given by the likes of Pastor Birai among other brave Kenyans who have seen the need to get involved in trying to thwart this crisis from spreading further. But a repeat of the same cannot cause any harm. In one of my recent counseling seminars (I sometimes enlist in these seminars in order to learn how to treat my spouse better) I learned that if you are banking on changing your spouse you are essentially and basically enthusing
yourself with a bad dream. The only person you can change is yourself!
All of us moved from home to this side of the world because of money or lack thereof. Back home families struggle day in day out to make ends meet. Now we have the money and instead of it being a blessing unto us it has instead become a curse. We have loved money so much so that anything and anybody standing in between the money and us becomes annihilated or completely shunned away (read divorced). Little wonder, then, that those purporting to make more money than others are hard hit with soaring divorces rates. Money per se is not bad but as the word of God quips, it is the love of money that is the root of evil. There are well-documented reports that divorce rates among the nursing personnel are far higher than that of the general population. If you are a nurse or are married to one then you need a three-times prayer day if you have been doing one or two times a day.
The bulk of blame rests with women. Sounds male chauvinism. Not really. It is a fact. African women feigning freedom have shamelessly ill-treated their husbands even after the man has worked extra hard to see her through the nursing school. Kudos to those women who have treated their husbands with respect and as their crowns and kings even when they surely dont deserve it. Remember Sarah of the Bible treated her husband Abraham well even calling him the Lord of her life. It is in retrospective of this that Abraham could not resist Sarahs advice that they get a heir/son through Hager the maid, even amidst his total faith in God. Show your husbands some respect and God will open the gates of heaven and bless you bountifully and will surely change your husband to the person you aspire him to be. Watch your mouths/words and attitudes dear ladies!
Women in general adapt to change with ease and quite rapidly unlike men who are slow to adapt (if at all they change). This cultural shock kind of throws our men out of balance. It is thus incumbent upon our ladies to be understanding as you succor your man to navigate through the rough road that has become of the American society. The process of sluggishly and gradually imbibing the new aura may be discouraging to many ladies who would want their men to respond quickly and romantically as their favorite TV or movie programs. Impatience and a non-forgiving heart have led many couples to resolve their issues in a dishonorable manner that is called divorce. A foolish woman would destroy her home with her own two hands. Ladies beware!
Men are not innocent either. When you guys received a visa and the door for the American dream was opened for you it is imperative that you learn the cues and hues that weave your new place you hate to call home. While the ladies take too much time watching movies and TV programs that paint illusions and a deluge of unrealistic demands of their unprogressive men, the gentlemen on other hand refuse to accept the fact that things are not going to be the same again. You got to do what it takes to keep your family intact. Our egos and African pride of a village husband is not going to help much here. I understand the mans catch 22 here but my only wish and prayer is that you get an understanding wife. If not, then be an understanding husband because the two of you cannot be unreasonable, unforgiving and non-understanding and expect your marriage hold up.
In our sojourn in this land, the love of many will grow cold. Parents will hate each other, children will dishonor their parents, and parents will be unforgiving of their children. It is true husbands have butchered their wives and or their children and the situation is not going to be any better.
If you feel that this article is talking about you then take heart because you are not alone and help is on your way. Jesus had said I am the truth, the way, and the life and that any man that seeks after me shall have life and life eternal. Where did the rain start beating us? It is when we abandoned the way of the Lord. But it is not too late my friends, because the door is still open and Jesus is still waiting for you and me. The word of God says that man shall not live on bread (read money) alone but by the word of God. We need to seek first the kingdom of God and all other things shall be added unto us. Try Jesus today and pray for your spouse, children and for your marriage and God will surely come to your rescue.
How am I faring myself? Not so good my friends. But I am always pressing forward with hope, energy, and determination because I know my Jesus is with me and I must do it for the sake of my children, if not for my wife. In this journey, we are going to be bruised, hurt and pained but a reward is waiting ahead of us, but only for those who have endured until the end. We are all together in this mess and the sooner we start an aggressive strategy to ameliorate this ugly trend the better for all of us.
There is a lot of pain in people across the Diaspora and they have nobody to share it with. There is fear that friends and confidants will start broadcasting peoples secrets from rooftops for all to hear. That is why people silently hurt and all of a sudden we hear that so and so have slaughtered each other. Pastors and elders are not spared either. The community just need reliable individuals who once they have been told of what is going on must move with speed and agility to soothe the otherwise explosive situation. And above all let the grave eat secrets entrusted unto you by any/the warring couples.
It has been a long day. Let me call my wife and see how she is doing. This is important even when I dont feel like giving her a buzz leave alone seeing her. Do me a favor, please, by calling yours too. And add I love you claimer and you will be puzzled as to how things will start shaping up. We are together in this and we must not abandon our children and, spouses if I must add. Yes, Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life—the only way out of this mess. Try him today and now!
Some parts of this article are the most ridiculous writings that I have read. You casually blame all women for the divorce rate and then make a gross generalization that women are better able to adapt to changes. If you really want to make marriages work I would suggest you look beyond simplistic notions of male chauvinism to inquire into the real issues. Look into problems with money, children, differences in expectations (for BOTH men and women) and also examine many issues that face the Kenyan community such as domestic violence. It is reckless to simply blame women.
I agree with unconvinced. The pastor has not mentioned that the same is going on back home. I believe in the institution of marriage but I will not subscribe to the medieval portrayal of women. The real problem is that the men are not willing to adapt to the changing climate of the growing number of economically independent and educated women. It is an ego thing pastor. You should not forget that a large number of Kisii women in Jersey city are beaten by their husbands and the only counselling they get is to keep praying. After all God helps those who help themselves.
Amazing article.
I think you’ll link to our website..
Regards
Furthermore to put the responsibility of failed marriages on women is to continue to encourage this domestic violence in the Kenyan community. In a way it is as if to say that women should stay in these troubled marriages or encourage their children to do so when they grow up. I am completely against this ridiculous notion.