By Richard Mageto, Delaware, USA.
12/02/07
The holy word of God talks more about our relationship with one another and more so about our relationship with our children. Our God wants us to live amiably with our neighbors and also to provide an enabling environment where the children can grow to full potential while feeling safe and loved. There are equally many counseling books and research articles written by authors of substance basing their arguments completely on hard and irrefutable facts and statistics. We can choose to ignore these facts at our own peril.
Honor thy father and mother, the holy Bible commands. This is one of the commands with a promise.
Christians or not, our children must in a told that honoring their parents is not an option but an
obligation that is demanded of them by God, Ephesians 6:1-4. We never outgrow our status of childhood in respect to obeying this commandment. Those who are honorable enough can admit that whatever our current age we still remain our parents children until death do us part. The only exception being that the older we become the commandment becomes more of a consultation than the literal obedience demanded of the youngsters.
The Father above was smart enough than just demanding the obedience of the children to their parents. The parents are also admonished to not only love their children but also to make sure that the children are not unnecessarily exasperated. This provides a very thin line to walk on and the balancing act between the two issues more often has become a cause of alarm and disunity than the other way round. It is thus incumbent upon the wise parents to start bending the tree while it is still young because latter attempts would produce devastating results.
Prepare the child for the rough road ahead rather than preparing the rough road ahead for the child. Many a time we are tempted to be overprotective of our children, as really any and all loving parents do, and in the process fail to recognize the fact that our children will be making it out alone for many years without us. It is therefore in order to teach and guide our children while they are young and bendable so that they can be able to independently make right choices when they are grown and away from the parents.
Verily, verily I say unto you that soon and very soon our children are going to be faced with tough
situations where they are going to make tough choiceschoices that will determine whether they will make it in life or not.
I want us for a minute recall the time we first arrived in our new homes away from home. There were a lot of things then that disagreed with our values and norms and which we had for long taken for granted.
Well, many of us had wondered even loudly as to why our African-American brothers were not doing better as much as the rest of the general population. There were (and still the situation remains) many of them in jails, in streets, and many such areas described simply as the underworld. This situation did not
just come from the blues but rather it is a consequence of years of negligence of family values
imbibed through a false sense of freedom and deviance but also accelerated by racial persecution and discrimination in almost all sectors of the nation-state. We do not have to be at that level in order for us to start making noise. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
The single-most factor that has contributed to family chaos and anarchy across the Diaspora is single parenthood. As I said from the onset we can argues and even bury our heads in the sand but the truth will remains that we ignore these issues at our own peril. The mother brings love and warmth in the family while the father represents authority and security. These two influences must come concertedly together in a home in order to have a meaningful sway on our children. The fact is that we have chosen those shortcuts that had manifested themselves awkwardly in our African-American brothers and sisters and have even perfected their art better than them. And very soon, and indeed sooner, we are going to witness our children the streets and then we shall be wondering as where the rain started beating us.
Hey Rich, you do not understand, some would argue. And indeed I may not understand your situation but one thing is for sure and that is hasty and selfish decisions have the propensity to spiral negatively down the family tree and history will judge you accordingly. You see, let us avoid making our choices and decisions based on feelings. Many a time we say that I am not happy and so I want to separate or a divorce. We cannot afford to do this if children are involved and if we claim that we love them.
Irreconcilable differences is a legal phrase coined by divorce lawyers in order to compel the two warring parties to disintegrate into oblivion rather than resolving the issues that are tearing through their marriage.
I am not talking from space my friends. I have a family and children like any of you. But I rather do
anything than see my children grow without their mother or me. I know my children well and the fact is some of them will act up beyond repair if we go it single. Even the ones whom I think may do well
whatever the situation may indeed end up doing worse considering the fact that they seem to suggest otherwise because of the inherent two parent influence that surrounds them. As I had said in another article before, the two parent homestead we had so complacently taken for granted back home is a must then, a must now, and a must in the future if our posterity is to make any headways in this country. Of course there are exceptions but I am not here to make suggestions out of a rarity than the hard facts presented to us.
The decisions we make right now should be the foundation upon which our children will build the
future successes and destiny. I was at first opposed to my wifes suggestion that we take the boys to a
Christian school. The tuition is heartbreaking but I have come to fully agree with my wife that no amount of money can be tagged on the future of these children. I can witness today and now to you that the spiritual nourishment these children get at school combined with the Christian atmosphere prevalent in their school has impacted them positively. Back at home, even the very poor struggle to take their children to private schools because of discipline and academic excellence. We can do here too. The stakes are too big and the risks too great to ignore.
I finally want to say that our children need us more than the games, computers and the TV that we have left to attend unto them. We work for these kids and it will be useless to make lots of money, buy houses, and invest well when the parents who love them are unknowingly (by commission or omission) neglecting them. We may strive to rationalize the reality at hand but the truth is that history will judge each one of us according to what kind of family we raised rather than how much money and property we had amassed. It is all about balancing the two issues and whoever does it better wins the game. The problem is not that we have failed to achieve this result but rather that we are so engrossed with making more and more money at the expense of our children. Thanks to you all who are doing a superb job of putting the children first (both in word and in deed). They are indeed our investment, future and our security.
Some may disagree with me but that is Ok. I draw strength from those of you who silently agree with me, and more so my friends who have personally thanked me through emails, and even verbally, for the social issues that I have touched on for some time now. Examples are rife and about, and indeed it will take an ostrich of man to bury ones head in the sand and ignore the stark reality. My prayer is that we put our children first and act accordingly so that we can prepare them for the road ahead rather than preparing the road for them.
Our children will be proud of us when they learn of the many years endured in their behalf but will judge us harshly for abandoning them at the earliest crack of hardship and in search for personal fulfillment and aggrandizement.
The decision is yours but judgment remains the childrens prerogative. And history will bear witness.